I probably have, but I can’t remember ever going to a laundromat before last night. I don’t think I’m above them or anything, I’ve just never gone. That being said, last night was an interesting first experience for sure.

For starters, it wasn’t any different than I expected at first. People doing laundry, no big deal.

No big deal that is…until the King of Crazy showed up.

Lyssa and I were chatting away while the loads were doing their thing when this guy showed up. At first nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He’s off to our left loading up some washers chatting away on his phone’s headset. That’s what I thought anyway, until we realized that there was no headset and that all of the dialogue and cussing was actually taking place with his laundry and the soap.

“I gachu, you mutha f’in soapy soap”

Lyssa and I look at each other.

“Whachu gon’ do soap soap soapy soap soap?”

Me being the master of tact that I am, lose it and start laughing at what has become a song based solely around smack-talkin some detergent. Thankfully his singing drowned out my laughter until I got it under control just in time for him to be done loading the washers up.

“I gotta put on some f@#$!n MTV in this piece”

After finding his MTV he takes a seat on the washer in front of the TV ready to enjoy his programming.

“Yeeeeah, get them tit-ays!”

Lyssa and I look  at each other.

I’m still doing what I can to hold in the laughter. Then, Lyssa says to me “now his hand is down his pants.” I look over and sure enough he’s sitting on the washer like Al Bundy on a couch and starts dozing off. Now I give the guy the benefit of the doubt and figure ok, it’s cold in here. Maybe he’s just keeping his hand warm. Right?

No.

His eyes are closed, but the hand is definitely moving.

You have no idea how badly i wanted to photograph this moment for you, but the thought of being bludgeoned by some “soapy soap” weighed on my mind just long enough for him to regain his energy and get off the washer to dance.

A dance that I can only assume was a celebration for completing whatever his hand was doing. Then right back to verbally abusing his laundry as he switched it from the washer to the dryer.

Ladies and gentlemen…seriously? Maybe I’m sheltered, but this ranks pretty high on my weird-shit-o-meter.

See you tomorrow,

D

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